Category: Police Jokes

San Francisco attorney Vince Hallinan was cross-examining a police officer during a felony trial in 1986 – it went like thisQ. Officer, did you see my client fleeing the scene? A. No sir, but I subsequently observed a person matching the description of the offender running several blocks away.Q. Officer, who provided this description? A.…

A man decided that he was going to ride a 10 speed bike from Phoenix to Flagstaff. He got as far as Black Canyon City before the mountains just became to much and he could go no farther.He stuck his thumb out but after 3 hours, hadn’t gotten a single person to stop. Finally a…

The boss of a big company needed to call one of his employees about an urgent problem with one of the main computers. He dialed the employees home phone number and was greeted with a child’s whispered on the first ring, “Hello?”Feeling put out at the inconvenience of having to talk to a youngster the…

A preacher went to his church office on Monday morning and discovered a dead mule in the church yard. He called the police.Since there did not appear to be any foul play, the police referred the preacher to the health department. They said since there was no health threat that he should call the sanitation…

1st Officer: “Guess who I pulled over in a traffic stop the other day?” 2nd Officer: “Who?” 1st Officer: “Janet Jackson!” 2nd Officer: “What she do, was she speeding?” 1st Officer: “Nah, she had one headlight out.”

Five tourists in an Audi Quattro arrive at a border crossing. The customs officer waves them over. “It is illegal to put 5 people in a Quattro,” he says. “What do you mean illegal?” asks the driver. “Quattro means four,” replies the officer. “Quattro is just the name of the automobile,” the driver retorts. “Look…

A policeman pulls over a driver for swerving in and out of lanes on the highway. He tells the guy to blow a breath into a breathalyzer. “I can’t do that, officer.” “Why not?” “Because I’m an asthmatic. I could get an asthma attack if I blow into that tube.” “Okay, we’ll just get a…

63 Ways To Make A Police Officer Angry 1. When you get pulled over, say “What’s wrong, ossifer, there’s no blood in my alcohol?” 2. When he asks why you were speeding, tell him you wanted to race. 3. When he talks to you, pretend you are deaf. 4. If he asks if you knew…

The Los Angeles Police Department (LAPD), The FBI, and the CIA are all trying to prove that they are the best at apprehending criminals. The President decides to give them a test. He releases a rabbit into a forest and each of them has to catch it. The CIA goes in. They place animal informants…

There’s an English man, Irish man and a Scotsman. They’re being chased by a policeman. They see this old warehouse so they run in. Inside there are 3 empty sacks on the floor. They each jump in a sack. In comes the copper and see’s these three bundles on the floor. Goes up to the…