Category: Police Jokes

A man is struck by a bus on a busy street in New York City. He lies dying on the sidewalk as a crowd of on-lookers gathers around. “A priest. Somebody get me a priest!” the man gasps. A policeman checks the crowd—-no priest, no minister, no man of God of any kind. “A PRIEST,…

A man decided that he was going to ride a 10-speed bike from Phoenix to Flagstaff. He got as far as Black Canyon City before the mountains just became too much and he could go no farther. He stuck his thumb out, but after 3 hours hadn’t gotten a single person to stop. Finally, a…

A drunk phoned police to report that thieves had been in his car. “They’ve stolen the dashboard, the steering wheel, the brake pedal, even the accelerator!” he cried out. However, before the police investigation could start, the phone rang a second time with the same voice came over the line. “Never mind,” he said with…

A car breaks down along the expressway one day, so the driver eases it over onto the shoulder of the highway. He jumps out of the car, opens the trunk, and pulls out two men in trench coats.The men stand behind the car, open up their coats and start exposing themselves to the oncoming traffic.…

A police officer in a small town stopped a motorist who was speeding down Main Street. “But officer,” the man began, “I can explain.” “Just be quiet,” snapped the officer. “I’m going to let you cool your heels in jail until the chief gets back.” “But, officer, I just wanted to say,” “And I said…

A driver was pulled over by a police officer for speeding. As the officer was writing the ticket, she noticed several machetes in the car. “What are those for?” she asked suspiciously. “I’m a juggler,” the man replied. “I use those in my act.” “Well, show me,” the officer requested. So he got out the…

The other day I was on my way home from work when the most remarkable thing happened. Traffic was heavy as usual, and as I sat there at a red light, out of nowhere a bird slammed into my windshield. If that wasn’t bad enough, the poor creature got its wing stuck under the windshield…

A police officer pulls over this guy who’s been weaving in and out of the lanes. He goes up to the guy’s window and says, “Sir, I need you to blow into this breathalyzer tube.” The man says, “Sorry, officer, I can’t do that. I am an asthmatic. If I do that, I’ll have a…

One day a man decides he wants to take up a new hobby. So he goes to a local sports shop and sees a duck hunting magazine and thinks to himself that it would be a challenge. So he goes out and buys all the stuff for duck hunting. The man goes to a remote…

Just before a new redneck had his first parachute jump, his sergeant reminded him, “Count to ten, then pull the first rip cord. If it snarls, pull the second rip cord for your auxiliary chute. After you land, our truck will pick you up. “The paratrooper took a deep breath and jumped. He counted to…