Category: Money

Five cannibals get appointed as programmers in an IT company. During the welcoming ceremony the boss says: “You’re all part of our team now. You can earn good money here, and you can go to the company canteen for something to eat. So don’t trouble the other employees.” The cannibals promise not to trouble the…

Things To Say To Telemarketers1. If they want to loan you money, tell them you just filed for bankruptcy and you could sure use some money.2. If they start out with, “How are you today?” say, “I’m so glad you asked, because no one these days seems to care, and I have all these problems.…

You know you’re from Canada when … 1. You only know three spices: salt, pepper and ketchup. 2. You design your Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit. 3. The mosquitoes have landing lights. 4. You have more miles on your snow blower than your car. 5. You have 10 favorite recipes for moose meat.…

At age 5 success is not peeing in your pantsAt age 10 success is having friendsAt age 16 success is having your driver’s licenseAt age 20 success is having sexAt age 35 success is having moneyAt age 50 success is having moneyAt age 65 success is having sexAt age 70 success is having your driver’s…

When the body was first made, all the parts wanted to be the boss. The brain said, “since I control everything and do all the thinking, I should be the boss.” The feet said, “since I carry man where he wants to go and get him in position to do what the brain wants, then…

A man walks into a bar one night. He goes up to the bar and asks for a beer. “Certainly, sir, that’ll be 1 cent.” “ONE CENT!” exclaimed the guy; the barman replied, “Yes.” So the guy glances over at the menu, and he asks, “Could I have a nice juicy T-bone steak, with chips,…

A philosophy professor stands in front of his class and fills a mayonnaise jar with rocks that are about 2″ in diameter. The professor asks the class if the jar is full…they agree that it is. The professor then takes a handful of pebbles and adds them to the jar, shaking it so the pebbles…

A woman walks into a bank one day to deposit a large sum of money. She walks up to the guy at the counter and hands him a cheque of a million dollars. After noticing the cheque was for such a large amount, he tells her he has to go and get the bank manager.…

A fellow finds himself in front of the Pearly Gates. St. Peter explains that its not so easy to get in heaven. There are some criteria before entry is allowed. For example, was the man religious in life? Attend church? No? St. Peter told him that’s bad. Was he generous? give money to the poor?…

Three engineers and three accountants are traveling by train to a conference. At the station, the three accountants each buy tickets and watch as the three engineers buy only a single ticket.”How are three people going to travel on only one ticket?” asks an accountant. “Watch and you’ll see,” answers an engineer. They all board…