Category: Money

A kid called up his mum from his college and asked her for some money, because he ran out of it. Mum said, “Sure, sweetie. Mum will send you some money. You also left your calculus book here when you visited 2 weeks ago. Do you want me to send that up too?””Uhh, oh yeah,…

One day a blonde was golfing. She hit the ball into the sand and went to retrieve it. She was just bending down to get it when she heard a small voice” If you pick me up I will grant you three wishes.” “ok” she agreed. She picked him up and he said” Whatever you…

One day long ago. There was a king who gathered all the people of the land. He said if anyone could swim across the lake (with crocodiles) would have their choice of : a castle, money, or his daughters hand in marriage. One man jumped up and yelled “I can do it!” He tried and…

* Oops! * Has anyone seen my watch? * That was some party last night. I can’t remember when I’ve been that drunk.* Damn! Page 47 of the manual is missing!* Well this book doesn’t say that… What edition is your manual?* OK, now take a picture from this angle. This is truly a freak…

Know Your State Sotto Alabama: Hell Yes, We Have Electricity ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Alaska: 11,623 Eskimos Can’t Be Wrong! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Arizona: But It’s A Dry Heat ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Arkansas: Literacy Ain’t Everything ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ California: By 30, Our Women Have More Plastic Than Your Honda ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Colorado: If You Don’t Ski, Don’t Bother ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Connecticut: Like Massachusetts, Only The…

1. “Better save that. We’ll need it for the autopsy.” 2. “Someone call the janitor – we’re going to need a mop.” 3. “Accept this sacrifice, O Great Lord of Darkness” 4. “Bo! Bo! Come back with that! Bad Dog!” 5. “Wait a minute, if this is his spleen, then what’s that?” 6. “Hand me…

1 star hangover * – No pain. No real feeling of illness. You slept in your own bed and when you woke up there were no traffic cones in there with you. You are still able to function relatively well on the energy stored up from all those vodka red bulls. However, you can drink…

Alabama: At Least We’re not MississippiAlaska: 11,623 Eskimos Can’t be Wrong!Arizona: Dehyd-rific!Arkansas: Litterasy Ain’t EverthingCalifornia: As Seen on TVColorado: If You Don’t Ski, Don’t BotherConnecticut: Like Massachusetts, Only Dirtier and With Less CharacterDelaware: (this was left blank–does this mean Delaware is too small to have a motto?)Florida: Ask Us About Our GrandkidsGeorgia: We Put the…

A san diego patrolman pulled over a driver and told him that because he was wearing his seat belt, he had just won $5000 in a safety competition. “what are you going to do with the money? “the officer asked.”i guess i”ll go to driving school and get my license, ” the man answered.”don’t listen…

A little old lady answered a knock on the door one day, only to be confronted by a well-dressed young man carrying a vacuum cleaner. “Good morning,” said the young man. “If I could take a couple minutes of your time, I would like to demonstrate the very latest in high-powered vacuum cleaners.” “Go away!”…