Category: Miscellaneous

A pirate walked into a bar and the bartender said, “Hey, I haven’t seen you in a while. What happened, you look terrible!” “What do you mean? I’m fine.” “What about that wooden leg? You didn’t have that before.” “Well,” said the pirate, “We were in a battle at sea and a cannon ball hit…

“The trouble with being the best man at a wedding is that you never get to prove it.”

A man walks into a doctor’s office. He has a cucumber up his nose, a carrot in his left ear and a banana in his right ear. “What’s the matter with me?” he asks the doctor. The doctor replies, “You’re not eating properly.”

Two men walk into a bar. The third man ducks.

Would a fly that loses its wings be called a walk?

Q: What do you have when 100 lawyers are buried up to their neck in sand?Not enough sand.

If an orange is orange, why isn’t a lime called a green or a lemon called a yellow?

Should vegetarians eat animal crackers?

At 3 am a desk clerk at a hotel gets a call from a drunk guy asking what time the bar opens. “It opens at noon,” answers the clerk. About an hour, later he gets a call from the same guy, sounding even drunker. “What time does the bar open?” he asks. “Same time as…

It had snowed in Washington DC and Hillary had just arrived home and was walking into the White House when she noticed that someone had pissed in the snow, “I love you Hillary”. Outraged she asked a secret service agent to find who had done this disgusting act. A while later the agent came back…