Category: Miscellaneous

Two nuns, Sister Marilyn and Sister Helen, are travelling through Europe in their car. They get to Transylvania and are stopped at a traffic light. Suddenly, a tiny little Dracula jumps onto the hood of the car and hisses at them through the windscreen and begins to masturbate. “Quick, Quick!” shouts Sister Marilyn. “What shall…

A three-legged poodle walked into a bar in the Wild West and said “Hey, I’m lookin for the guy who shot my paw!”

There was this bar and blondes were celebrating in the corner, with beers shouting, “41 days, 41 days!!!!” The bartender watched as they more came in and joined the celebration. He was finally so curious that he went over and said, “Why are you celebrating shouting, ’41 days, 41 days!!!’?” And a blonde held up…

A woman was out golfing one day when she hit her ball into the woods. She went into the woods to look for it and found a frog in a trap.The frog said to her, “If you release me from this trap, I will grant you 3 wishes.”The woman freed the frog and the frog…

To the optimist, the glass is half full. To the pessimist, the glass is half empty. To the Accountant , the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.

There is a man sitting in a bar, sipping on his beer.A guy slides up next to him andsays, “If you woke up in the forest, and your arse itched, and when you scratched it, you got Vaseline on your hand, would you tell anyone?” “F**k NO!” “Well, if you reached farther into the crack…

There was an old professor who started every class with a vulgar joke. After one particularly nasty example, the women in the class decided to walk out the next time he started. The professor got wind of this plot, so the nextmorning he walked in and said: “Good morning, class. Did you hear the one…

A man goes into a restaurant and is seated. All the waitresses are gorgeous. A particularly voluptuous waitress wearing a very short skirt and legs that won’t quit came to his table and asked if he was ready to order, “What would you like, sir?”He looks at the menu and then scans her beautiful frame…

A married couple was celebrating their 60th wedding anniversary. At the party everybody wanted to know how they managed to stay married so long in this day and age.The husband responded “When we were first married we came to an agreement.I would make all the major decisions and my wife would make all the minor…

Her husband had passed on and the new widow was so distraught that she sought out a spiritualist who told her that her husband was just fine.She added further that he was eagerly awaiting a reunion with her.”Is there anything he needs ?” the distraught woman asked,between tears.The spiritualist went into a transient state, then…