Category: Miscellaneous

Paddy and Seamus were flying to the U.S.A. in a jumbo jet when an hour into the flight they heard this message: beep beep “this is your captain speaking we have just lost one of our four engines. Do not be alarmed this plane is fully equipped to fly us to america on only three…

A positive orgasm is when your partner screams *YES!!* A negative orgasm is when your partner screams *NO!!* A fake orgasm is when they scream *insert your name here*

A bus driver was taking a group of senior citizens on an outing.During the trip one elderly lady came up to him and told him that she thought she had been molested.The bus driver did not pay much attention to her comment until at the end of the trip another elderly lady told him that…

The phone rings in the maternity ward. Upon answering, the duty midwife is told by a man “Mrs Jones is about to give birth, her contractions are just 3 minutes apart!” The midwife asks “Is this her first Child?” Bemused, the man says “No, don’t be daft, this is her Husband!”

A blonde was driving along a country lane one day, when she noticed in a field, another blonde sitting in a boat paddling away but getting no-where fast. Look at that fool she thinks to herself stops the car and exits it.Very annoyed she walks over to the fence and shouts to her “its dump…

Why do men die normally die before their wives?Because they want to.

There was a party on top of a large buildings roof. Two guys were off to the corner when the first guy said “Watch this”! and with that jumped off the roof. To the second man’s suprise he just stayed suspended there and floated back.”Wow!” said the second man, “I’ll give you $20 if you…

A man took his old duck to the Doctor, concerned because the duck wouldn’t eat. The Doctor explained to the man that as ducks age their upper bills grow down over their lower bills and make it difficult for the animal to pick up it’s food. “What you need to do is gently file the…

A blonde was bragging about her knowledge of state capitals. She proudly says, “Go ahead, ask me, Iknow all of them.” A friend says, “OK, what’s the capital of Wisconsin?” The blonde replies, “Oh, that’s easy: W.”

An Australian, an Irishman and an Englishman were sitting in a bar. There was only one other person in the bar; a man. The three men kept looking at this other man, for he seemed terribly familiar.They stared and stared, wondering where they had seen him before, when suddenly the Irishman cried out, “My God,…