Category: Miscellaneous

A panda walks into a bar, sits down and orders a sandwich. He eats the sandwich, pulls out a gun and shoots the waiter dead. As the panda stands up to go, the bartender shouts, “Hey! Where are you going? You just shot my waiter and you didn’t pay for your sandwich!” The panda yells…

Two lawyers walking through the woods spotted a vicious-looking bear. The first lawyer immediately opened his briefcase, pulled out a pair of sneakers and started putting them on. The second lawyer looked at him and said, “Are you crazy? You’ll never be able to outrun that bear!””I don’t have to,” the first lawyer replied. “I…

A speaker was having a little trouble getting started in his speech. All of the sudden someone from the audience shouted: “Tell ’em everything you know. It will only take a mintue. “”I’ll tell e’m what we both know,” shot back the speaker. “It won’t take any longer. “

While cruising at nearly forty thousand feet, the airplane shuddered and Mr. Benson looked out the window. “My gosh!” he screamed, “one of the engines just blew up!”Other passengers left their seats and cam running over; suddenly the aircraft was rocked by a second blast as yet another engine exploded on the other side. The…

A man sought medical aid because he had popped eyes and a ringing in his ears. A doctor looked him over and suggested removal of his tonsils. The operation resulted in no improvement, so the patient consulted another doctor who suggested removal of his teeth. The teeth were pulled, but still, his eyes kept popping…

My arm started to hurt me so I asked a doctor to examine it. She looked at my arm and brought out a medical book and studies it for about 10 minutes. Then she said to me, “Have you ever had that pain before?”I nodded yes. “Well, you’ve got it again. “

The airline company was disturbed over a high percentage of accidents and decided to eliminate the possibility of human errors by building a completely automated aircraft. “Ladies and gentlemen,” came a voice ove the loudspeaker on the plane’s maiden voyage, “it may interest you to know that you are flying on the first, fully automated…

Girl: Did you kiss me when the lights were out?Boy: No…Girl: It must have been that other boy in the corner. Boy, starting to get up: I’ll teach him a thing or two!Girl: You couldn’t teach him a thing!

At a lecture series a very poor speaker was on the platform. As he was speaking, people began to get up and leave. It continued like this until there was only one person left in the audience. Finally the speaker stopped and asked the man why he stayed until the end. He replied, “I’m the…

There once was a very happy truck driver that was eating in a diner at night. Three motorcyclists came and and proceeded to pick on the truck driver by pouring pepper and salt all over him, spitting in his coffee, and stealing his food. The truck driver didn’t do anything, just stood up, paid his…