Category: Miscellaneous

Why did New Jersey get all the toxic waste and California all the lawyers?New Jersey got to pick first.

She had been seeing the psychoanalyst for years, pouring out her heart to him twice a week. However, she was making no progress, and the doctor didn’t believe she ever would. “Mrs. Porter,” he said at the end of one session, “do you think these visits are doing you any good?” “Not really,” she said.…

There was a preacher whose wife was expecting a baby, so they went to the congregation and the preacher asked for a raise. After much consideration and discussion, they passed a rule that when the preacher’s family expanded, so would his paycheck.After 5 or 6 children, this started to get expensive, so the congregation decided…

There were three guys talking in the pub. Two of them are talking about the amount of control they have over their wives, while the third remains quiet. After a while one of the first two turns to the third and says, “Well, what about you, what sort of control do you have over your…

Our three previous presidents and the current president found themselves following the famous Yellow Brick Road, on their way to meet The Wizard. They were all missing just a little something and figured The Wizard could help them. They meet The Wizard and he asks each in turn what they need. “Well”, Jimmy Carter says,…

A motorist had a flat tire in front of an insane asylum. He took the wheel off, and the bolts that held the wheel on rolled into the sewer. A patient, looking through the fence, suggested that he take one bolt off of the remaining three tires to hold up the new tire until he…

What’s a man’s idea of foreplay? A half hour of begging

President Clinton was in Baghdad talking about the peace accords. Clinton noticed there were 3 buttons on Saddam’s chair. He didn’t think anything of it at the time. After a few minutes Saddam pressed the fist button. Immediately a box popped out in front of Clinton and a boxing glove popped up and punched Clinton…

A blonde goes for a job interview in an office. The interviewer decides to start with the basics. ‘So, Miss, can you tell us your age, please?’ The blonde counts carefully on her fingers for about 30 seconds before replying, ‘Ehhhh .. 22!’ The interviewer tries another straightforward one to break the ice. ‘And can…

“Mr. Clark, I’m afraid I have bad news,” the doctor told his anxious patient. “You only have six months to live.” The man sat in stunned silence for the next several minutes. Regaining his composure, he apologetically told his physician that he had no medical insurance. “I can’t possibly pay you in that time.” “Okay,”…