Category: Miscellaneous

Why is lemon juice mostly artificial ingredients, but dishwashing liquid contains real lemons?

You might be a redneck if you have to haul a paint can to the top of a water tower to defend your sister’s honor.

I just got skylights put in my place. The people who live above me are furious.

His And Hers ATMs HIS: 1. Pull up to ATM 2. Insert card 3. PIN number and account 4. Take cash, card and receipt HER: 1. Pull up to ATM 2. Check makeup in rearview mirror 3. Shut off engine 4. Put keys in purse 5. Get out of car because you’re too far from…

Your so boring, if you threw a boomerang, it wouldn’t come back to you.

Two guys walk into a bar: “Ouch! Oof!”

Q: Why did Bill Clinton quit playing the saxophone? A: Because he decided to play the hormonica

A man goes into the hospital for some tests. The medical staff knock him out, and when he comes around there is a doctor peering over him, you know pulling up the eyelid and wielding the reflex hammer. The doctor says, “Ah, I’m glad you’re awake. I’m afraid I have some mixed news.” The man…

If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?

Did you ever notice: When you put the 2 words “The” and “IRS” together it spells “THEIRS”?