Category: Miscellaneous

Words to live by: Do not argue with a spouse who is packing your parachute.

Q: why did the blonde return the scarf?A: It was too tight.

You know your church is a redneck church if baptism is referred to as Branding.

A guy walks into a bar and says to the bartender, “I want you to give me 12-year scotch, and don’t try to fool me because I can tell the difference.”The bartender is skeptical and decides to try to trick the man with 5-year scotch. The man takes a sip, scowls and says, “Bartender, this…

When you open a bag of cotton balls, is the top one meant to be thrown away?

Why do they call them “apartments” when they’re so close together?

If white wine goes with fish, do white grapes go with sushi?

A few weeks before his death, Orson Welles was talking to his friend and fellow film director Henry Jaglom about Welles’ landmark movie, Citizen Kane. “Make me one promise,” he told Jaglom, “Keep Ted Turner and his goddamned crayolas away from my movie.” Fortunately, when the movie was made, Welles had negotiated a contract with…

A cowboy runs into a bar and says to the bartender, “Give me twenty shots of your best scotch, quick!”The bartender pours out the shots, and the cowboy drinks them as fast as he can. The bartender says, “Wow. I never saw anybody drink that fast.”The cowboy replies, “Well, you’d drink that fast too if…

Three blondes were stuck on an island. then, a magic fairy appeared and gave them each a wish. The first one asked to be really smart, so the fairy turned her into a red head and she swam off the island. The second blonde asked to be even smarter, so the fairy turned her into…