Category: Military

This is a transcript of an ACTUAL radio communication between a U.S. NAVY ship and Canadian authorities off the cost of Newfoundland, October 1995. Radio log released by the Chief of Naval Operations 10/10/95: WILL BE UNDERTAKEN TO ENSURE THE SAFETY OF THIS SHIP.

January 20, 2003 A fellow bought a new Mercedes and was out on an interstate road for a nice evening drive. The top was down, the breeze was blowing through his hair and he decided to open her up. As the needle jumped up to 80mph he suddenly saw a flashing red and blue light…

Police officers George and Mary, had been assigned to walk the beat.They had only been out a short while when Mary said, “Damn, I was running late this morning after my workout and after I showered, I forgot to put on my panties! We have to go back to the station to get them.”George replied,…

Woman: “Is there a problem officer?”Officer: “Ma’am you were speeding.”Woman: “Oh, I see.”Officer: “Can I see your license please?”Woman: “I’d give it to you, but I don’t have one.” Officer: “Don’t have one?” Woman: “Lost it 4 times for drinking.”Officer: “I see, can I have your vehicle registration papers please?”Woman: “I can’t do that.”Officer: “why…

There’s a captain and his crew, and they always won naval battles. One day, a sailor called out “Cap’! 10 ships approching!” The Captain replied “Get me my red shirt!” They did, he put it on, and they won the battle.Later, a sailor called “Cap’! 20 ships!” “Get me my red shirt!” They did, and…

It’s the middle of summer and a Highway Patrolman pulls over a motoristfor speeding. While he’s writing the ticket, flies keep buzzing aroundhis head, annoying him considerably. “Circle flies sure are bad this year, aren’t they?” says the motorist. “Yeah,” says the patrolman, “if that’s what these are, you’re sureright. But I’ve never heard of…

Michael Jackson was on a cruise with 100 Boy Scouts when the ship hit an iceberg and started to sink. The captain announced, “Everyone abandon ship! We’re going down!” Michael asked, “What about the children?” The captain replied, “Screw the children!” Michael looked around eagerly and asked, “Do we have time?”

1. I can’t reach my license unless you hold my beer. 2. Sorry, Officer, I didn’t realize my radar detector wasn’t plugged in. 3. Aren’t you that guy from the Village People? 4. Hey, you must have been doin’ at least 120 mph to keep up with me…Good job! 5. Didn’t I see you get…

An officer is sent to a new base and he meets with one of the soldiers. He says “everything is alright around here but what’s up with the camel?”. The soldier replies “well the soldiers are lonely and sometimes they get uh…urges”. The Officer is disgusted but thinking it over he replies “I guess it…

A large group of Taliban soldiers are moving down a road when they hear a voice call from behind a sand dune…. “One US soldier is better than ten Taliban” The Taliban commander quickly sends 10 of his best soldiers over the dune, whereupon a gun-battle breaks out and continues for a few minutes then…