Category: Lawyers

A trial had been scheduled in a small town, but the court clerk had forgotten to call in a jury panel. Rather than adjourning what he thought was an exceptionally simple case, the judge ordered his bailiff to go through the courthouse and round up enough people to form a jury. The bailiff returned with…

A lawyer was on his deathbed in his bedroom, and he called to his wife. She rushed in and said, “What is it, honey?”He told her to run and get the bible as soon as possible. Being a religious woman, she thought this was a good idea. She ran and got it, prepared to read…

Three paramedics were boasting about improvements in their respective ambulance team’s response times.”Since we installed our new satellite navigation system,” bragged the first one, “we cut our emergency response time by ten percent.”The other paramedics nodded in approval. “Not bad,” the second paramedic commented. “But by using a computer model of traffic patterns, we’ve cut…

A big-city California lawyer went duck hunting in rural Texas. He shot and dropped a bird, but it fell into a farmer’s field on the other side of a fence. As the lawyer climbed over the fence, an elderly farmer drove up on his tractor and asked him what he was doing. The litigator responded,…

An investment counselor went out on her own. She was shrewd and diligent, so business kept coming in, and pretty soon she realized she needed an in-house counsel, so she began interviewing young lawyers. ‘As I’m sure you can understand,’ she started off with one of the first applicants, ‘in a business like this, our…

A barber gave a haircut to a priest one day. The priest tried to pay for the haircut but the barber refused saying, “I cannot accept money from you, for you are a good man – you do God’s work.” The next morning the barber found a dozen bibles at the door to his shop.A…

A doctor and a lawyer were talking at a party. Their conversation was constantly interrupted by people describing their ailments and asking the doctor for free medical advice. After an hour of this, the exasperated doctor asked the lawyer, “What do you do to stop people from asking you for legal advice when you’re out…

At the United Way in a fairly small town a volunteer worker noticed that the most successful lawyer in the whole town hadn’t made a contribution. This guy was making about $600,000 a year so the volunteer thought, “Why not call him up?”He calls up the lawyer.”Sir, according to our research you haven’t made a…

A doctor and a lawyer were talking at a party. Their conversation was constantly interrupted by people describing their ailments and asking the doctor for free medical advice. After an hour of this, the exasperated doctor asked the lawyer, “What do you do to stop people from asking you for legal advice when you’re out…

A Mafia Godfather, accompanied by his attorney, walks into aroom to meet with his former accountant.The Godfather asks the accountant, “Where is the 3 million bucksyou embezzled from me?” The accountant does not answer.The Godfather asks again, “Where is the 3 million bucks youembezzled from me?”The attorney interrupts, “Sir, the man is a deaf mute…