Category: Lawyers

A man is at his lawyer’s funeral and and is surprised by the turnout for this one man. He turns to the people around him. “Why are you all at this man’s funeral?” A man turns towards him and says, “We’re all clients.” “And you ALL came to pay your respects? How touching.” “No, we…

While two families were waiting in line to see the Washington Monument, their two five-year-old boys were getting acquainted. “My name is Joshua. What’s yours?” asked the first boy. “Adam,” replied the second. “My daddy is a doctor. What does your daddy do for a living?” asked Joshua.Adam proudly replied, “My daddy is a lawyer.””Honest?”…

A priest, a doctor, and a lawyer were waiting one morning on a particularly slow group of golfers.”What’s wrong with these guys?” fumed the lawyer. “We must have been waiting for 15 minutes!””I don’t know,” said the doctor, “but I’ve never seen such ineptitude!””Here comes the greenskeeper,” said the priest. “Let’s have a word with…

A lawyer and two friends–a Rabbi, and a Hindu holy man–had car trouble in the countryside and asked to spend the night with a farmer. The farmer said, “There might be a problem. You see, I only have room for two to sleep in the house. So one of you must sleep in the barn.”…

An old penny pincher had no friends. Just before he died he asked his doctor, lawyer, and pastor to gather around him at bedside.”I have always heard that you can’t take it with you. But I want to disprove that theory,” he said. “I have $90,000 under my mattress, and when I die, just before…

One morning a blind bunny was hopping down the bunny trail, and he tripped over a large snake and fell, KerPlop!, right on his twitchy little nose. “Oh, please excuse me!” said the bunny. “I didn’t mean to trip over you, but I’m blind and can’t see.” “That’s perfectly all right,” replied the snake. “To…

For three years, the young attorney had been taking his brief vacations at this country inn. The last time he’d finally managed an affair with the innkeeper’s daughter. Looking forward to an exciting few days, he dragged his suitcase up the stairs of the inn, then stopped short. There sat his lover with an infant…

A lawyer opened the door of his BMW, when suddenly a car came along and hit the door, ripping it off completely. When the police arrived at the scene, the lawyer was complaining bitterly about the damage to his precious BMW.”Officer, look what they’ve done to my Beeeemer!!!”, he whined.”You lawyers are so materialistic, you…

A minister and lawyer were chatting at a party:”What do you do if you make a mistake on a case?” the minister asked.”Try to fix it if it’s big; ignore it if it’s insignificant,” replied the lawyer.”What do you do?”The minister replied, “Oh, more or less the same. Let me give you an example. The…

The top ten things that sound dirty in law (but aren’t!)10. Have you looked through her briefs? 9. He is one hard judge! 8. Counselor, let’s do it in chambers. 7. Her attorney withdrew at the last minute. 6. Is it a penal offense? 5. Better leave the handcuffs on. 4. For $200 an hour,…