Category: Idiots

There was this guy who worked with a help desk for a big Broadcasting company. One day, this lady called in because she didn’t know why her computer wouldn’t come on.He then asked her, “Did you plug it in?” She says “Yes.” He then asked her, “Did you turn in on?” She said “Yes. What…

A priest went to buy a parrot.”Are you sure it doesn’t swear?” asked the priest.”Oh absolutely. It’s a religious parrot,” the storekeeper assured him. “Do you see those strings on his legs? When you pull the right one, he recites the lord’s prayer, and when you pull on the left, he recites the 23rd Psalm.””Wonderful!”…

There was once a great actor, who had a problem. He could no longer remember his lines. Finally after many years he finds a theatre where they are prepared to give him a chance to shine again. The director says, “This is the most important part, and it has only one line, you must walk…

Here was this little guy sitting in a bar, drinking, minding his own business when all of a sudden this great big dude comes in and –WHACK!!– knocks him off the bar stool and onto the floor. The idiot says, “That was a karate chop from Korea.”The little guy thinks “GEEZ,” but he gets back…

A young ventriloquist is touring the South and stops to entertain at a bar in Texas. He’s going through his usual stupid Redneck jokes,when a big burly guy in the audience stands up and says “I’ve heard just about enough of your damn hillbilly jokes; we ain’t all stupid here in the South.” Flustered, the…

Two boys from the mountains, Leroy and Jasper have been promoted from privates to sergeants. Not long after, they’re out for a walk and Leroy says, “Hey Jasper, there’s the NCO Club. Let’s you and me stop in.” “But we’s privates,” protests Jasper. “We’s sergeants now, “says Leroy, pulling him inside. “Now, Jasper, I’m a-gonna…

What do the Star Ship Enterprise and toilet paper have in common? They both circle Uranus searching for Klingons.

At the police station, Bubba explained to the police officer why his cousins shot him. “Well,” Bubba began, “We wuz havin’ a good time drinking, when my cousin Ray picked up his shotgun and said, ‘Hey, der ya fellows wanna go hunting?’” “And then what happened?” the officer interrupted. “From what I remember,” Bubba said,…

Two guys were walkin’ down a grassy road, houses to the left, houses to the right. Soon, they came across a strange lookin’ pile o’ somethin’ on the ground. First dude: “Hey, I wonder what this is” Second dude: “It’s smelly and awful” 1st: “It’s brown and nasty” 2nd: “Why don’t you taste it?” So…

Man approaches to greet a new neighbor who is just moving into the house next door and asks what he does for a living. Neighbor 1: I am a professor at the University, I teach deductive reasoning. Man: Deductive reasoning? What is that? Neighbor 1: Let me give you an example. I see you have…