Category: Heaven and Hell

A minister dies and goes to heaven.Before him is a loudmouth man with a loud shirt, chain pants, and a loud hat. Saint Peter asked the guy what he did for a living. He said “I was the taxi cab driver of moo yawk city. St. Peter hands him a silk robe, and a golden…

Catholic MathLittle Tommy was ding very badly in math. His parents had tried everything; flash cards, special learning centers, in short, everything they could think of. Finally in a last dash effort, they took Tommy down and enrolled him in the local Catholic school.After the first day, little Tommy comes home with a very serious…

After a lengthy conference with the estranged husband, the lawyer reported to his client. “Mrs. LaMay, I have succeeded in making a settlement with your husband that is eminently fair to both of you.””Fair to both!” exploded Mrs. LaMay. “I could have done that myself. What the hell do you think I hired a lawyer…

When Mother Theresa died she went to Heaven. For a week or two she was fully satisfied that she had to eat only fruits and vegetables, but then one day complained to St.Peter and asked for some cooked meal. – My Dear, – said St.Peter, – and who is going to cook every day for…

Up in heaven there is a white picket fence.On one side stood GOD on the other side stood Satan and a few of his henchmen.The devilshelpers were kicking holes in the fence.GOD said “if you don’t tell them to stop, I’ll sue you”.Satan started laughing and replied “You think you’ll find a lawyer on your…

A drunken man gets on the bus late one night, staggers up the aisle, and sits next to an elderly woman.She looks the man up and down and says, I’ve got news for you. You’re going straight to hell!” The man jumps up out of his seat and shouts, “Good heavens, I’m on the wrong…

A guy stood over his tee shot for what seemed an eternity, looking up, looking down, measuring the distance, figuring the wind direction and speed. Driving his partner nuts.Finally his exasperated partner says, “What the hell is taking so long? Hit the goddamn ball!”The guy answers, “My wife is up there watching me from the…

The Reverend Francis Norton woke up Sunday morning and realizing it was an exceptionally beautiful and sunny early spring day, decided he just had to play golf. So… he told the Associate Pastor that he was feeling sick and convinced him to say Mass for him that day.As soon as the Associate Pastor left the…

A little girl came to a pregnent lady, and while pointing to her stomach asked : “What’s that?”The lady proudly replied: “That’s my little baby and I love him very much!”The little girl then said: “If you love him that much, then why the hell did you eat him?”

Two buddies, Bob and Earl, were two of the biggest baseball fans in America.Their entire adult lives, Bob and Earl discussed baseball history in the winter, and they poured over every box score during the season. They went to 60 games a year. They even agreed that whoever died first would try to come back…