Category: Heaven and Hell

A man passed away and went to heaven. When the man arrived at the pearly gates, St. Peter said, “Come on in. I’ll show you around. You’ll like it here”.Walking through the gates, the man noticed clocks everywhere. There were grandfather clocks, wall clocks, watches, and clocks in every corner. It appeared that heaven was…

An applicant for life insurance was finding it difficult to fill out the application. “What’s the trouble?” the salesman asked. The man said that he was reluctant to answer the question about the cause of death of his father. The salesman wanted to know why. With some embarrassment the client explained that his father had…

It got crowded in heaven, so, for one day it was decided only to accept people who had really had a bad day on the day they died. St. Peter was standing at the pearly gates and said to the first man, “Tell me about the day you died.”The man said, “Oh, it was awful.…

Three men languished in Purgatory.After a while, they began talking to one another.Eventually, they got around to the age-old question asked by internees everywhere: “Whaddya in for?”The first man sighed, rolled his eyes heavenward and said “Allah forgive me!I am a Moslem, and I once drank beer with my lunch.”The second man looked ruefully at…

Bill Gates dies. Goes to St. Peter. St. Peter says, “we don’t know where to send you. You’ve been both good and bad. So, we decided to let you decide between heaven and hell.” Gates says, “can I preview them first?” St. Peter allows a preview, and off they go to hell. In hell, they…

There were two old men who had loved baseball all of their life. They had grown up in the same town where they played together thru grade school, high school and then college. After college they didn’t have the skill for professional ball so they learned to be umpires in order to stay around the…

There was this man that had difficulty making descisions:1. His parents asked him whether he wanted to go to public or private school. He decided to go private school…and hated it.2. On to college: Harvard or Yale? Harvard or Yale? He became a Yalie…and hated it.3. He thought about getting married: Blonde or Rehead? etc.…

After a lengthy conference with the estranged husband, the lawyer reported to his client. “Mrs. LaMay, I have succeeded in making a settlement with your husband that is eminently fair to both of you.””Fair to both!” exploded Mrs. LaMay. “I could have done that myself. What the hell do you think I hired a lawyer…

A guy named Joe finds himself in dire trouble. His business started going bust and he found himself in serious financial trouble. He was so desperate that he decided to pray for help.”Oh Lord, please help me, I’ve lost my business and if I don’t get some money, I’m going to lose my house as…

Political pick-up lines10. “I see the flat tax wouldn’t apply to you.”9. “Inflation isn’t the only thing going up around here.”8. “I’d like you to exercise my pocket veto.”7. “Could you give my voting lever a little pull?”6. “I said I wanted to keep the government out of the bedroom, but I didn’t mean this…