Category: Heaven and Hell

Three ducks go to heaven.The first duck waddles up to St. Peter and St. peter asks “What happened, you know, how did you die?” The duck replies, “I was just minding my own buisness, floatin’ along in the water, i stuck my head under, started blowin’ bubbles and a boat ran over my back.” St.…

Freddie Mercury, Gianni Versace and Princess Di arrive at the Pearly gates.St Peter explains that only one can get through and that they each have to put forward their case for entry.Freddie says “I know I haven’t led a perfect life and I’ve made some mistakes along the way, but I’ve made some of the…

An Englishman, a New Zealander and a South African walk into a bar for a drink. The Kiwi orders a round of Tequila Slammers for the group.They slam and down their drinks in one.The Kiwi then picks the glasses up in one hand and throws them in the air. He draws a pistol and shoots…

There were three nuns who suddenly died.All their lives they wanted to go to heaven for when they died, and being nuns they were pretty sure that they would definitely go there. But when they died they went to the gates of heaven and they couldn’t get in.They started looking at each other wondering why…

These three guys – an American, Chinese, and German – were shipwrecked on a desert island. The German found this smokey bottle. So he brought it back to the other two and they all opened it togther (the German was a really nice guy). Well, low and behold, a GENIE POPPED OUT! The genie granted…

A couple made a deal that who ever died first would come back and inform the other of the after life. The woman’s biggest fear was that there was no heaven. After a long life the husband was the first to go and true to his word he made contact. “Mary… Mary…. ” “Is that…

PISTON BROKE One late evening, a redneck named Leroy came out of the local pub a little drunk. He got into his pickup truck and started driving home. He was on a lonely stretch of road when all of a sudden a piston blew right through the engine hood. Leroy gets out of his pickup,…

A minister dies and goes to heaven.Before him is a loudmouth man with a loud shirt, chain pants, and a loud hat. Saint Peter asked the guy what he did for a living. He said “I was the taxi cab driver of moo yawk city. St. Peter hands him a silk robe, and a golden…

It was a boring Sunday afternoon in the jungle, so the elephants decided to challenge the ants to a game of soccer. The game was going well with the elephants beating the ants ten to nothing, when the ants gained possession of the ball. The ants’ star player was dribbling the ball towards the elephants’…

The Ballad Of The Y2K(sing to the tune of “Gilligan’s Island”)Just sit right back and you’ll hear a taleOf the doom that is our fate.That started when programmers usedTwo digits for a dateTwo digits for a dateRAM memory was smaller then;Hard drives were tiny, too.”Four digits are extravagant,So let’s get by with two.So let’s get…