Category: Family, Parents

A very successful businessman had a meeting with his new son-in-law. “I love my daughter, and now I welcome you into the family,” said the man. “To show you how much we care for you, I’m making you a 50-50 partner in my business. All you have to do is go to the factory every…

Two golfers were discussing a bill that Harry, the hospital administrator, had sent to Bill, a recent father.”Harry, this is too much for the use of the delivery room. You know I didn’t get my wife there in time and the baby was born on the hospital’s front lawn.”Harry took the bill, crossed out the…

During the Cold War many years ago, a young man would ride his bicycle every day from Italy up to the check-point at the Yugoslav border where he would be questioned by the uniformed border-guard.”Where are you going today, Capitalist Scumbag?” asked the guard.”To visit my mother, Sir.””Step inside. You will be searched” ordered the…

A worried Father asked his daughter if her latest beau was serious about their relationship.”I’ll say he is Daddy.” responded the girl.”Just last nite he asked me how much you make, what kind of meals Mom serves and if you two are easy to get along with.”

Two women came before wise King Solomon, dragging betweenthem a young man in a three-piece suit.”This young lawyer agreed to marry my daughter,” said one.”No! He agreed to marry MY daughter,” said the other.And so they haggled before the King until he called forsilence.”Bring me my biggest sword,” said Solomon, “and I shall hew the…

Three mothers were sitting around comparing notes on their exemplary offspring. “There never was a daughter more devoted than my Alice,” said Mrs. Davis with a sniff. “Every summer she takes me to the Catskills for a week, and every winter we spend a week at Delray Beach.””That’s nothing compared to what my Anna does…

A young man was walking through a supermarket to pick up a few things when he noticed an old lady following him around. Thinking nothing of it, he ignored her and continued on. Finally he went to the checkout line, but she got in front of him.”Pardon me,” she said, “I’m sorry if my staring…

MURPHY’S LAWS FOR PARENTS1. The tennis shoes you must replace today will go on sale next week.2. Leakproof thermoses–will.3. The chances of a piece of bread falling with the grape jelly side down is directly proportional to the cost of the carpet.4. The garbage truck will be two doors past your house when the argument…

A man is waiting patiently for his wife to give birth. The doctor comes in and informs the dad that his son was born without torso, arms or legs.The son is just a head!The father loves his son and raises him as well as he can, with love and compassion.After 21 years, the son is…

“A study in the Washington Post says that women have better verbal skills than men. I just want to say to the authors of that study: Duh.” –Conan O’Brien “In elementary school, in case of fire you have to line up quietly in a single file line from smallest to tallest. What is the logic?…