Category: Bar Jokes

Queen Elizabeth and Prince Phillip are entertaining the King and Queen of Tonga, during the visit they accept a customary ride in the horse drawn cart around the grounds of Sandringham Castle.During the trip one of the horses farts and the sound and smell carries all the way through the cart to the royals. Embarrassed…

A drunk was staggering down the main street of town. Somehow he managed to make it up the stairs to the cathedral and into the building, where he crashed from pew to pew, finally making his way to a side aisle and into a confessional.A priest had been observing the man’s sorry progress and figuring…

Bernie and Abe are having a drink together in a City wine bar to celebrate Abe ‘s recent promotion. They had been drinking for some time when Bernie begins to insult Abe. He shouts, I slept with your mother, Abe.  There was a hush as everyone listens. Bernie again shouts at Abe, I slept…

A man left work one Friday afternoon. Being payday, instead of going home, he stayed out the entire weekend hunting with the boys and spent his entire paycheck. When he finally appeared at home, Sunday night, he was confronted by a very angry wife and was barraged for nearly two hours with a tirade befitting…

dude walks into a bar and says to the bartender : “I want a 12 years old scotch, and don’t try to fool me because I can tell the difference.”The bartender is sceptical and decides to try to trick the man with a 5 year old scotch. The man takes a sip, scowls and says…

A pirate walks into a bar. He has a peg leg, hook for a hand, and a patch over his eye.The bartender asks “So, what happened to your leg?”The pirate says “Aaar, I was fighting the British Navy and they blew up me ship, I fell over board, and a shark bit me leg off.””Oh,”…

A Texan walks into a pub in Ireland and clears his voice to the crowd of drinkers. He says, “I hear you Irish are damn good drinkers. I’ll give $500 American dollars to anybody in here who can drink 10 pints of Guinness back-to-back.” The room is quiet and no one takes up the Texan’s…

A guy comes home completely drunk one night. He lurches through the door and is met by his scowling wife, who is most definitely not happy. “Where have you been all night?” she demands. “At this new bar,” he says. “The Golden Saloon. Everything there is golden. It’s got huge golden doors, a golden floor…

Two Buddies were drinking in a bar one night and had became extreamly drunk. One guy was so drunk that he had got sick all over his shirt. He looks at his buddy and says “My wife is gonna kill me when I get home,this is a brand new shirt! His buddy looks at him…

3 men were locked up in jail for 100 years for some terrible crime. They could all have one thing each in jail. The first guy wanted beer, the second guy wanted naked woman and the third guy wanted marijuana. 100 years later they checked up on them. The first guy said “oh gosh no…