1. Go to O’Reilly’s auto parts and write a check for $50 for oil, filter, kitty litter, hand cleaner, and scented tree.
2. Discover that the used oil container is full. Instead of taking it back to O’Reilly to recycle, dump it in a hole in the backyard.
3. Open a beer and drink it.
4. Jack the car up. Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands.
5. Find the jack stands under the kid’s pedal car.
6. In frustration, open another beer and drink it.
7. Place the drain pan under the engine.
8. Look for a 9/16 box-end wrench.
9. Give up and use a crescent wrench.
10. Unscrew the drain plug.
11. Drop the drain plug in the pan of hot oil, getting hot oil on yourself in the process.
12. Clean up.
13. Have another beer while the oil is draining.
14. Look for an oil filter wrench.
15. Give up; poke the oil filter with a screwdriver and twist it off.
16. Have another beer.
17. Buddy shows up; finish the case with him. Finish the oil change tomorrow.
18. The next day, drag the pan full of old oil out from underneath the car.
19. Throw kitty litter on the oil spilled during step 18.
20. Walk to 7-11; buy beer.
21. Install the new oil filter, making sure to apply a thin coat of clean oil to the gasket first.
22. Dump the first quart of fresh oil into the engine.
23. Remember the drain plug from step 11.
24. Hurry to find the drain plug in the drain pan.
25. Hurry to replace the drain plug before the whole quart of fresh oil drains onto the floor.
26. Slip with the wrench and bang your knuckles on the frame.
27. Bang your head on the floorboard in reaction.
28. Begin a cussing fit.
29. Throw the wrench.
30. Cuss and complain.
31. Clean up; apply a Band-Aid to your knuckle.
32. Have a beer.
33. Have another beer.
34. Dump in an additional 4 quarts of oil.
35. Have a beer.
36. Lower the car from the jack stands.
37. Accidentally crush one of the jack stands.
38. Move the car back to apply more kitty litter to the fresh oil spilled during step 23.
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